Am I making the choice I want to make?

I was sitting in church this Sunday and my mind started to wander just a bit. (Don't mock me, If you won't admit this has happened to you then you're a big, fat liar.) But on this day I wasn't making my grocery list or figuring out what I was going to eat for lunch. (Yeah, you know you've done that too.)

The message was about Moses, and dealing with anger. Specifically when Moses made a big whoopsie and beat on that rock rather than speak to it as God had told him to. Now, I can hardly blame the man. Those Israelites would've made me pull my hair right out any number of times. Just reading about them is enough to drive me crazy thinking of leading them. But every time I start thinking of that God reminds me of how much I am like them.

But, back to the point. Because of his disobedience, Moses could not enter Caanan. The speaker said that seems harsh after all he went through, but my mind drifted to what Moses did get to see. No, he didn't get to enter Caanan, but God did not let him down. God did let him see Caanan from the mountaintop before he died, and Moses was allowed even more.

 Moses saw God.

There's nothing else like it in the Bible. Already Moses has had amazing experiences. God audibly speaks to him regularly. He has been able to see the Glory of God visibly, to the point that he is literally glowing and scares the Israelites when he leaves God's presence! He has to wear a veil until the glow wears off so as not to freak people out. I mean, how cool is that? But we can only assume that experiencing God in this way creates even more of a need for him because Moses asks for more. He asks God to show him His Glory. And though God knows that Moses cannot handle seeing all of God he allows him to see all he can, and he has this amazing experience that no one else in the bible can claim.

So I ask myself, as I sit here in church missing a bit of the message, which would I choose?

Would I choose to see God, or to enter the promised land?

As I ask myself my immediate answer is that I want to see God. I mean, how many times Have I longed to see my Savior? How many times have I prayed to see God's glory revealed in this world? To see what Moses saw? I cannot even imagine it. It is one of the deepest longings of my heart.

 But even as I ask and answer the question internally, I hear that quiet little voice of the Spirit asking me, "Really? Is that what you are choosing? Each day? Each moment of this life you live?"

And I'm forced to reflect a bit more. While it may be the desire of my heart to see God, do my choices reflect that? Do I spend my spare moments with Him, longing for him as the bride for her husband? Do I look forward to those moments with him with passionate abandon? Really, Is my life reflecting a desire to know Him that way?

Sadly, I'd say no. But I want it to be. And I want to see my life more of a reflection of that desire in my heart.

How about you? Are you making the choices that you really want to make?

I'm reminded again of one of my favorite verses. I'm glad that Paul understood how I feel. Romans 7:15 "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I don't do, and what I hate I do."

Amen Paul.

black, Chapters 23-24

Two chapters where we are back in the more familiar world. Thomas has come close to death and been healed, but notice that isn't what he is focusing on when he wakes. His first thought is of Elyon, and hey, with the experience he had? Who could blame him? Though I do think Thomas was originally from this time period, it is interesting how quickly he is drawn to the new world. Part of him seems to feel he belongs there. Perhaps he does. And as Kara listens she is drawn in as well. She accepts that there is something real happening as she sees him change. He is her eyes into this new world.

black, chapter 22

Two chapters where we are back in the more familiar world. Thomas has come close to death and been healed, but notice that isn't what he is focusing on when he wakes. His first thought is of Elyon, and hey, with the experience he had? Who could blame him? Though I do think Thomas was originally from this time period, it is interesting how quickly he is drawn to the new world. Part of him seems to feel he belongs there. Perhaps he does. And as Kara listens she is drawn in as well. She accepts that there is something real happening as she sees him change. He is her eyes into this new world.

Black, Chapter 21

Two chapters where we are back in the more familiar world. Thomas has come close to death and been healed, but notice that isn't what he is focusing on when he wakes. His first thought is of Elyon, and hey, with the experience he had? Who could blame him? Though I do think Thomas was originally from this time period, it is interesting how quickly he is drawn to the new world. Part of him seems to feel he belongs there. Perhaps he does. And as Kara listens she is drawn in as well. She accepts that there is something real happening as she sees him change. He is her eyes into this new world.