Am I making the choice I want to make?

I was sitting in church this Sunday and my mind started to wander just a bit. (Don't mock me, If you won't admit this has happened to you then you're a big, fat liar.) But on this day I wasn't making my grocery list or figuring out what I was going to eat for lunch. (Yeah, you know you've done that too.)

The message was about Moses, and dealing with anger. Specifically when Moses made a big whoopsie and beat on that rock rather than speak to it as God had told him to. Now, I can hardly blame the man. Those Israelites would've made me pull my hair right out any number of times. Just reading about them is enough to drive me crazy thinking of leading them. But every time I start thinking of that God reminds me of how much I am like them.

But, back to the point. Because of his disobedience, Moses could not enter Caanan. The speaker said that seems harsh after all he went through, but my mind drifted to what Moses did get to see. No, he didn't get to enter Caanan, but God did not let him down. God did let him see Caanan from the mountaintop before he died, and Moses was allowed even more.

 Moses saw God.

There's nothing else like it in the Bible. Already Moses has had amazing experiences. God audibly speaks to him regularly. He has been able to see the Glory of God visibly, to the point that he is literally glowing and scares the Israelites when he leaves God's presence! He has to wear a veil until the glow wears off so as not to freak people out. I mean, how cool is that? But we can only assume that experiencing God in this way creates even more of a need for him because Moses asks for more. He asks God to show him His Glory. And though God knows that Moses cannot handle seeing all of God he allows him to see all he can, and he has this amazing experience that no one else in the bible can claim.

So I ask myself, as I sit here in church missing a bit of the message, which would I choose?

Would I choose to see God, or to enter the promised land?

As I ask myself my immediate answer is that I want to see God. I mean, how many times Have I longed to see my Savior? How many times have I prayed to see God's glory revealed in this world? To see what Moses saw? I cannot even imagine it. It is one of the deepest longings of my heart.

 But even as I ask and answer the question internally, I hear that quiet little voice of the Spirit asking me, "Really? Is that what you are choosing? Each day? Each moment of this life you live?"

And I'm forced to reflect a bit more. While it may be the desire of my heart to see God, do my choices reflect that? Do I spend my spare moments with Him, longing for him as the bride for her husband? Do I look forward to those moments with him with passionate abandon? Really, Is my life reflecting a desire to know Him that way?

Sadly, I'd say no. But I want it to be. And I want to see my life more of a reflection of that desire in my heart.

How about you? Are you making the choices that you really want to make?

I'm reminded again of one of my favorite verses. I'm glad that Paul understood how I feel. Romans 7:15 "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I don't do, and what I hate I do."

Amen Paul.

black, Chapters 23-24

Two chapters where we are back in the more familiar world. Thomas has come close to death and been healed, but notice that isn't what he is focusing on when he wakes. His first thought is of Elyon, and hey, with the experience he had? Who could blame him? Though I do think Thomas was originally from this time period, it is interesting how quickly he is drawn to the new world. Part of him seems to feel he belongs there. Perhaps he does. And as Kara listens she is drawn in as well. She accepts that there is something real happening as she sees him change. He is her eyes into this new world.

black, chapter 22

Two chapters where we are back in the more familiar world. Thomas has come close to death and been healed, but notice that isn't what he is focusing on when he wakes. His first thought is of Elyon, and hey, with the experience he had? Who could blame him? Though I do think Thomas was originally from this time period, it is interesting how quickly he is drawn to the new world. Part of him seems to feel he belongs there. Perhaps he does. And as Kara listens she is drawn in as well. She accepts that there is something real happening as she sees him change. He is her eyes into this new world.

Black, Chapter 21

Two chapters where we are back in the more familiar world. Thomas has come close to death and been healed, but notice that isn't what he is focusing on when he wakes. His first thought is of Elyon, and hey, with the experience he had? Who could blame him? Though I do think Thomas was originally from this time period, it is interesting how quickly he is drawn to the new world. Part of him seems to feel he belongs there. Perhaps he does. And as Kara listens she is drawn in as well. She accepts that there is something real happening as she sees him change. He is her eyes into this new world.

Chapter 20

One chapter and I had to stop and comment.  Chapter 20 is one of the reasons I read these books.  First we have Carlos entering and capturing Monique and Thomas. In listening to Thomas sleep he gets the information he needs that will allow them to create the virus and the antivirus. So we see that without Thomas the virus would never have existed. Teelah orchestrates this from another world, another time.   Clearly he has knowledge of events far beyond the current world. I don't know if Thomas ever even knows that HE was the one to give this critical information to the enemy, but Teelah certainly does. But that's not the gem of this chapter.  The real meat is in Thomas's encounter in the green lake. AS Thomas walks through the perfection he wonders how he ever doubted that this was his home. It is so perfect, so wonderful, and feels at peace here, even though it would seem from the story that all of this is new to him.  And then we get to the lake.  Elyon is embodied in the water, we know this from other chapters. And Thomas's first reaction is I think what we would all expect upon meeting God. Fear. Why is he afraid? Because unlike the other people of the forest, he has sinned. He is not perfect before Elyon, and in his soul he knows it. But despite that fact, he is drawn to Elyon, I would say that the desire in all of us, the desire that God has put in us, comes out. And then he gets hit with the mist. Just a taste, just a hint of the full experience, and nothing could stop him. It makes me wish for just a bit of that mist. Wish that I could have that physical experience of God that he has here.  But with Elyon there is of course more. There is the whole lake, and as Thomas dives into the fullness of Elyon he has an experience that is beyond words. Dekker does a good job, and as he goes through it my heart longs to know my God like Thomas is knowing Elyon.  At first it is all joy and pleasure. Elyon allows Thomas to experience him in the fun and pleasure of what he has made. And then he makes himself known. "I made this."  Simple words. But Elyon is speaking to him, to Thomas, just a man. Thomas's doesn't know God, so he has to ask, "who are you?" This seems obvious of course, but Elyon doesn't say "ah, duh, Thomas, God here, creator of all the world, etc, etc." He answers just as simply. "I am Elyon. And I made you." Such words to hear from your maker. Thomas has doubted and Elyon confirms that he belongs. Wouldn't we all love to hear that? Certainly he tells us in the Bible. But the beauty of the story is that things which we cannot experience physically, visually, they happen that way in this story.  And even more, Elyon tells him he loves him. Now I know God loves me, he has shown me in so many ways, but to stand before him and hear him say it? There could be no greater joy.  Right on the heels of this Thomas is sucked into pain, into himself, the real self that is deep inside. the depths of pain and sin, it's all there. It hurts, as it should if we are truly confronted with our sin.  And to come back to the green Thomas has to pass through the water that is like blood. Symbolic? Of course it is. In the bloody water it is no longer Thomas in pain, but Elyon. And that is heartbreaking. as as he come sour of that Elyon reminds him.  "I love you. I choose you. I rescue you. I cherish you." Despite it all, despite knowing his worst, Elyon chooses to love him. This has such a deep resonance in my soul. I come back to this chapter time after time and know that while Thomas has not completely changed he will NEVER be the same again.

Black 16-19

In this section we have the beginnings of a romance between Thomas and Raychelle, which is cute, but what I find most striking here is Thomas's encounter with Teelah. If you are like me, when you read this you want to shake Thomas. You want to make him see that Teelah is so clearly evil, that his words are cleverly designed to confuse. Why would you choose his lies over the joy a beauty of the black forest? But then I get introspective. Don't we do that all the time? We know what is right. It is obvious, but we choose a different path. Teelah says, "They follow a God who demands their allegiance and robs them of their freedom. Forbidden? Who has the right to forbid?" This sounds all too familiar. I think the deceiver has put this argument into the minds of many. But here's the flaw that Thomas doesn't see. Elyon does not demand their allegiance. Elyon loves them with a depth we cannot fathom. he desires for them to love him and in being filled with his love to reflect that in their lives. Their is no demand. He gives endlessly and loves faithfully. But they are always allowed to choose. As we are today. And so many follow to crooked finger of Teelah into the forest.

Black chapters 12-15

He chooses. He pursues. He rescues. He woos. He protects. He lavishes. Thoughts on God, as of course Elyon IS God, even our hero is beginning to get that. In line with Calvinistic theology, which seems surprising from Dekker. Those of you that wince at the term calvinism probably haven't studied what it actually teaches, but we see it in this mantra of the sinless people. I find this a comforting picture of the creator. Choosing, pursuing, saving, and lavishing his love on the church. We see it echoed here in the man/woman relationship, as it is in the Bible. Sadly with sin in the world our relationships fall far short of this example much of the time. I also love the references, we love song because he loves song, love beauty because he loves beauty. In fact we are able to love because he has instilled that desire in us. If fact, doesn't every human ache to be loved and to love in return? We live our lives searching for that perfect love, needing the assurance that we are loved. That is another unique thing that God has instill in man. I mean, do you see animals seeking love? They seek pleasure, comfort, attention, but love, no. Yet we need love. We are quite literally built that way. But I like they way he says it... "We love love because Elyon loves love. And we love to be loved because Elyon loves to be loved."